Inner Feelings
by pika318
Summary: A compilation of one shots of the characters thoughts and feelings during their time in Noah's Ark.
1. Krory

**Author's notes: **These series of one shots contains spoilers for the Noah's Ark. Also the order and length of the chapters do not indicate my preference for any of the characters.

**Disclaimer: **D Gray Man does not belong to me.

Chapter 1: Krory

Why is it so dark?

I think I'm trapped again, just like the last time.

Just like the flowers which are trapped in the very depths of the castle, was ensnared there as well. But I never did mind, as long as she, Eliade, was to remain with me for an eternity. Just like the endings in fairy tales, we would live happily ever after.

Then they came. The humans came to disturb me, the exorcist brats had to come and disturb this fragile balance.

And then they dropped the bombshell that I was one of them, an ally and that my beloved Eliade was my enemy. I could not believe them or rather I refused to believe them. How can the kind and caring Eliade be my foe?

However, she tore away the barrier which prevented me from believing. She was my enemy and I killed her with my own blood-stained hands. Constantly, after that, I kept asking why me?

But Allen-kun forced me to stand up again, to fight as an Exorcist so that I had a reason, so that Eliade died for a reason. Still, I wonder why he was so angry with me for being so dejected, maybe he experienced something similar. Maybe he saw the shadow of his past in me.

I fought continuously from then on, looking for General Cross with people whom I can consider my companions. Then slowly, one by one, they appeared and disappeared. Anita-san and her crew, Allen, Chomsuke and that katana-wielding exorcist whose name I cannot remember. How many more friends am I going to lose like this.

The annoying Noah brats tried to take them all away. I cannot let that happen, they have brought me out of my dungeon; I cannot let them enter the darkness. It is frightening. Then I was trapped once more.

Eliade came to me, I thought it was my end but she did not want to see me again. She wanted me to go join the Exorcists, I do not deserve to be by her side, not yet anyway. Suddenly, I felt the sensation of floating and I cannot clearly remember what happened. I just found myself lying on the floor. Jesdebi were gone. I have succeeded in protecting my comrades but I cannot join them yet.

I'm just too tired, maybe later…. After a short nap.


	2. Allen

Chapter 2: Allen

It just shattered, like thin crystal glass. Lavi's innocence. I just stared in shock as Lavi and Chaoji fell until I could not see them any longer. I know that Lavi's hammer had been badly damaged from the fight with Tyki, but why did it not shatter then or later? Why must it be at the moment when I grasped it in my hand, in the hand which was meant to save humans?

I felt my mind go blank, I didn't know what to say to Leenalee. She went silent as well. I just screamed and screamed until my throat hurt. The emptiness that was left was filled with fury, anger and hatred against the Earl, against all the Noah who have snatched my Nakama away from me. I saw the Earl smiling, grinning in a mocking manner, laughing as he declared that my friends' bodies and blood would be sucked up by the falling Arc.

The next moment, I had picked up my sword and I launched myself at the Earl. I don't care if he is the leader of the Noahs whom we can barely fight, I don't care if he's the creature that humanity fears the most. I just want to see him in pieces, drowning in his own stinking pool of blood. I HATE him, how many souls must he take away before he is satisfied? If I have to lose my life taking him down, I'll gladly throw it away.

Then a familiar song played and I lost all control of my limbs. It was Maria. I yelled and begged my master to let me go but he just looked on with the same cold eyes. What did I expect? He never cared about other living beings except himself. The Earl left with Tyki and master made me climb to where he was.

I swear I would have punched that idiot master on the spot if we weren't in such a dire state.

"I have a mission for you."

You expect me to care? But I listened anyway.

**Author's Notes: **I hope you like this series and please review. Constructive criticism is appreciated.


	3. Kanda

Moko-chan: D.gray-man belongs to Hoshino Sensei. I actually planned to put this story on hiatus (because inner feelings are hard to write) but since I finally received a review, I decided to continue. I know it's short but enjoy anyway.

**Kanda Yuu**

Che. I let them get too close to me. I thought I could go through this short life of mine without forming any bonds with other people.

_You idiot, we actually showed you concern and you attacked us_

_This is the first time I got whacked for being kind._

Anything to get you bakayaro across the door. The remarks actually cut me, a little, that is. If another one of you stayed behind, there would be less of you to go forward. Although I didn't show it, I knew Skin Boric was strong. If someone had to die, then let me be the one, I'm dying anyway. Every time I used my mugen, I'm walking closer to death's door.

_Kanda, you must catch up with us, okay?_

If I said no, would you have moved on, Lenalee? I had to say yes. They got too close, every single one of them. I listen to Lenalee and her sis-con brother, I let Lavi call me Yuu-chan and I even gave him the nickname Rabbit. Even Moyashi got too close. I said I'll let him die if he interfered with my mission but I saved him anyway. I didn't want anybody to remember me if I died. If I died, I wanted to die as an Exorcist, not as Kanda Yuu. But now, all of you have memories of me and I think I would have felt sad if any of you got hurt.

Other people would have thought that I was only fighting hard to defeat Skin Boric because I wanted to defend my pride as a swordsman and as an exorcist. But that's not it. I wanted something else. I knew the room was falling apart but I still wanted to go across the door. Even though I felt faint, I still wanted to catch up with the rest of them. Even if I lose a bit more of my life, I won't let the door disappear.

I want to go home with the rest of you.


	4. Lenalee

Moko-chan: I do not own D.gray-man for it belongs to Hoshino Sensei.

**Leenalee**

We all made a promise that we would go home together but now I wonder if this promise would be fulfilled. I know that Allen, Lavi, Kanda and Crowley are strong, much stronger than I am but the thoughts of them dying just keeps coming to me.

Why must my innocence fail me now? If I could fight, I could protect this world of mine. I could protect my world while my world protects me. I feel so useless now.

But the rest keep encouraging me. Especially Allen. His smile is telling me to never give up and that we can return home together, every single one of us, including the two that chose to stay behind so that the rest could move forward.

I must stop thinking of the very worst scenario. We would all definitely go home together. When we get back, Big brother Komui would definitely give me a big hug and welcome all of us back. Lavi would fall asleep as soon as he finds a sofa or bed, Allen would run to the cafeteria and get a cartload of food, Kanda would probably return to his room to sleep, Crowley would be happy because it's his first time in the Order and Miranda would cry due to the relief that everyone has returned alive.

I want to get stronger so that I can protect the world that I cherish more than my life.

I must work harder so that I need not chase the shadows of the rest.


	5. Lavi

Moko-chan: I do not own D.gray-man for it belongs to Hoshino Sensei.

**Lavi**

When I regained control of my body and mind, I suddenly reaIised I couldn't breathe.

_Why did you do it?_

Huh?

_Why did you use the fire seal on yourself?_

It's that voice again. To be honest, I didn't know exactly why I did it. Was it a last ditch strategy to defeat Road Kamelot, the Noah? Or was it because… I deserved it?

_Deserved it? Why?_

Why? For hurting Allen, perhaps? And making Lenalee cry.

_You feel guilty for hurting them? Because they are your comrades?_

Comrades… there was a time when I didn't think they were that to me. Because it was all part of a Bookman's duty, becoming an exorcist and observing the war. But slowly they began to grow on me, even if I didn't want them to…

Wait, that's not right. It's not that they grew on me, it's because I wanted them to be my friends. I wanted to change, to not just observe from the sidelines but to be able to help the people that have become my friends.

_So I see you have changed. But having friends, that's not right as a Bookman, is it? If Bookmen have friends, they would not be able to judge and record a situation accurately, it will become biased, a sin in the recording of history._

I know that! You don't have to tell me, I'll find a balance, somehow.

_Stubborn, are you? Well, since you made up your mind. I'll leave you alone. It's not that you would live much longer anyway. You're going to burn up._

It was then did I realize how hot my surroundings were again. That's right, I'm going to die, sacrificing myself in battle, for my friends. Maybe it's alright to die this way.

Just then, I saw a white hand. At first, I thought I was hallucinating, and an angel had come to get me. But that hand grabbed me and pulled me out of the flames.

As the flames disappeared, I realized it was Allen.


	6. Komui

Moko-Chan: Hoshino Sensei owns D.gray-man. :p

Komui Lee

Just how many people had sat in that worn out green couch? The seams were bursting, the deep emerald green it used to be was fading to a pale mossy colour and the cushions were already squashed out of shape.

I won't throw it away, that's for sure. It's probably the only memory left of the Exorcists who have come and gone.

And may not come back.

I really hate this job. I want to be the one out there risking my life instead of sitting in the office and knowing that the Akuma are probably no where near.

I swear, I really admire Allen-kun, Kanda-kun, Lavi and my dear Lenalee. They should be out there hanging around with their friends, messing around like inconsiderate youths, not fighting to save the world. They're just children, for goodness sake. And here is the one adult who is sending them to their graves.

_(Knocking on door)_

That better not be Reever. It's not a good sign when the Supervisor starts crying.

"Supervisor. We got a call from the Asian Branch."

"What is it?"

Reever looks like he's been choking back tears. That's not a professional way to handle bad situations.

"It's Allen-kun, he says that they are all safe and coming back."

I cried.


	7. Miranda

Moko-Chan: Hoshina Katsura owns -man (and it's getting weirder and weirder)

Miranda

Whose one is it?

One person's time that I have attached to Allen-kun and the rest went missing. Then I prayed and hoped.

I prayed that it wasn't Allen-kun, Lenalee-chan or Lavi-kun.

_Does that mean that the others that entered the ark can die? _I asked myself.

It was a selfish thought but I 'm sure that it would tear me more if it was actually the people I know. If the person who disappeared was Krory-san, the Chinese youth from Anita-san's ship or the other Exorcist, it won't affect me much.

It probably wouldn't. It shouldn't.

Another one's gone. Please don't let it be them. Anyone but them. They're important to me.

Time passes, they're still safe. Nobody's time has disappeared…

_Gone_.

It wasn't a mistake, I can't feel anything anymore. Everybody's time is gone. Including those I didn't want gone.

_No._

Was it punishment for my selfish thoughts? Was I too weak?

_Was it my fault?_

Moko-chan: Another one. Yeah! My god, little Kanda looks so absolutely huggable. I tried not to squeal in front of the computer… but OMG, he's so cute!! (Chapter 159 of -man)


	8. Cross

Moko-chan: D Gray Man belongs to Hoshino sensei

* * *

Cross

I was surprised to see those idiots fall in. Just when I thought I could finish my job quickly and scram.

Sitting on the patio of the houses, I observed the exorcists who entered. (Under Maria's concealment, of course.)

Ah, yes, my idiot apprentice, he seems to be doing well.

My eyes drifted to the rest.

Lenalee, the reason why the rest came in. Good friends she must have. Whatever happened to her hair?

Bookman Junior, surprise, surprise. Who would thought that a spectator would risk his life to record this.

Krory. So he did become an Exorcist after all. Come to think of it, I owe him cash.

Tiodoll's girly brat. Bet the old man's crying his eyes out there.

And what the heck is one of Anita's crew doing here?

Then the Noah of Pleasure joined in, challenging the bunch to a duel. Crap, this is so going to screw up my plan.

The place started falling apart. The kids took up the challenge and ran off. Idiots, should I follow them?

They have no snowball chance of getting out of this mess alive, not with their pathetic level of skills. Definitely with Tim, I should be able to get them out safely while _alerting the Earl_ at the same time. I can't risk this.

_Then they would die, probably._

They're Exorcists, they should be prepared to die.

_They're only children._

This is the only chance I have of completing this. All I need is Allen to remain alive.

I mutter a string of curses under my breath. The golden golem flutters nearby, as though asking me to follow them.

"Later, Tim. There are more important things to do. Once we're done, we'll go rescue them."

If they make it, that is.

* * *

Moko-Chan: Where is the heck is D Gray Man going? The latest chapters sound like something straight out of fanfiction on first impression. Only after you read the chapter do you feel the tinge of seriousness in it, so it's not entirely crack. Thank god.


	9. Bak

Moko-Chan: D.Gray-man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

* * *

Bak

I nearly whooped in joy when somebody in the research section shouted that Allen Walker has arrived.

The Great me was the first to receive the news that everybody who went to Edo was safe and alive. And that includes my goddess.

The Great me was so worried sick about her.

"We need to borrow a phone to call Komui!"

Of course, of course. Anything for the heroes who came back.

Ara?

Where's Lenalee-chan?

"Ah, master! Where are you going?"

"I kind of feel like running for it."

Oh. So they found General Cross.

"Don't leave."

That voice, my goddess Lenalee was there!

Oh my god! She's…She's…My Lenalee-Chan is hugging Cross!

And her hair is short.

Oh no! Hives. I can feel myself breaking into hives. I must keep calm.

Keep calm…

But Lenalee is with Cross.

Cross is with Lenalee.

And her hair's short.

Cross. Lenalee. Long hair gone…

THUD!

"Ahhh! Bak-sama fainted! Somebody get the doctor!"

* * *

Moko-Chan: Yeah! This is the last Chapter of "Inner Feelings" Hope you all have enjoyed this. Had to end on a humorous note.


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